Brand of Love

I’m still here Jenn. I know it’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything. It’s been a long time since I’ve really spoken to most friends either. A few weeks before my last post I’d been flirting with the edge, but around mid-November I dove head-first into a dark, deep place known as Depression. I cowered in a deep well with my forehead pressed against the dank, cool stones, unable to speak. The walls were steep and I could not move or look for an exit. Sleep overtook me; a long, dark, encompassing sleep. Just before the holidays, I knew I was in danger of dying from mold, so I sent a desperate call to the universe and those closest to me helped turn me around to see the tiny patch of blue (a.k.a. Hope) that loomed far above me. Still, there was no way to easily climb the slippery stones. Finally able to free my voice, I took steps to find a way out, including therapy and lots of vitamins. A frayed, dusty rope was lowered and I tied it around my right foot and waist and wrapped it around my right hand, then pulled. Slowly, with effort, the rope was levied up and I rose off the ground. I scrabbled with my left hand and foot to gain a toehold and force momentum upward. It was a precarious journey, as I mentioned the rope was frayed and Depression added several tens of pounds to my weakened body. It seemed to take a lifetime, but I have reached the top of the well. I’m now sitting on the edge, relieved to be free of my prison, but still with my feet dangling over, not quite ready to leave the familiar darkness behind.

Why? What caused it? I could just as easily say nothing as well as everything. To look at my life from the outside was to see a loving marriage, a content career and a seemingly happy life. Lots of events occurred in the last year that built up to that moment that I fell. I can’t tell you why, if I tripped or if I jumped. And frankly, I won’t dwell on it anymore. If you’ve read or seen The Secret, then you know to dwell on Depression is to invite it back into your life. So I will only say that my life is now moving forward in a more positive direction, P and I are solid and happy together, I still really enjoy my career and company, we are fast making plans for the new house – the current prognosis is that we will receive the key at the end of March / beginning of April. We plan to spend the month of April having the floors installed, walls and top floor ceiling prepped and painted, kitchen installed…etc. I hope that we’ll be able to move in and actually live in the house by May.

To end my post on a lighthearted note, I’ll leave you with a funny / stupid Jenna story. After my workout at the gym one day, I decide to relax my muscles in the sauna. I de-robe, wrap my towel around me and take only the key to my locker with me. Normally, the key has a ring with a round, numbered tag. In my haste, I had picked a locker where the tag had fallen off. Normally, I would hang the key on the towel rack outside the sauna while I sat sweating inside. (Yes, I know this defeats the purpose of having a “locked” locker). But to my dismay, I reached the sauna unable to hang the key outside. So, I took it inside with me, wondering to myself if it would get hot inside the sauna. I placed it on the bench above me, near the wall so it wouldn’t fall between the wooden slats. I spread my towel out and laid down preparing to sweat all the toxins and stress out of my body…and about 10 minutes later that was just about enough for me. (I’m still getting used to this whole sauna culture. It’s freakin’ hot in there. Plus, some chick came in and poured water on the stones increasing the heat times 3). Here is the part in the story where you may think my stupid moment came in and I reached for the extremely hot key. Sorry to disappoint, but I remembered my initial thought and lightly touched (the BURNING POKER HOT) key to check. Indeed, metal does get extremely hot in the sauna. I flicked the key on to my towel and picked it up by wrapping the towel around it in my hand. I exited the sauna and quickly felt conspicuous standing naked in the hallway (I’m now used to the nakedness that comes with the European sauna culture, but normally I would have wrapped my towel around me upon exiting. Shifting focus, I decide to shower off and walked (quickly, yet casually) to the public showers. At this point, I have completely forgotten about the key as I hang up my towel on the wall, and of course, the still BURNING POKER HOT key falls directly on to my left breast. Howling in pain, I jump back, expecting the key to fall clattering to the floor. But Nooooo, the sticky sauna sweat has ensured that said key stays glued to my breast. Once the neurons in my brain register this fast, I flick the key off my left breast which then hits my right breast and then my knee on its journey down to a pool of cool water which immediately renders it annoyingly innocuous. Yes, that’s right folks, I branded myself with the gym locker key. The burn stayed around until Valentines day, so I decided to tell Paul that I branded him the key to my heart. Luckily, it’s gone now and only a story, but dork that I am, I took a picture. It's a little fuzzy because it's damn difficult to take a picture of your own boob.

By the way, (to put my 3 seconds of pain into perspective) several of my girlfriends have been busy in labor over the past couple weeks. I am thrilled to share my birthday month with these three beauties! Congratulations to the following:

Mary Grace Briggle - born Feb 6 to the sound of mass bells on Ash Wednesday. For details on Gracie's birth, check out the Briggle Blog under "blog stalkin'" to the right.











and Twins - Penelope Scarlet and Chloe Violet O'Hearn born on Feb 12